Sometimes I forget...

I have been a spiritual seeker for many years. I have spent a bit of time exploring the link of the physical, emotional and energetic through yoga and meditation, searching for the non-dualistic thread, that deep knowing we each have access to when we drop the pretenses of our outward lives and dive into our experience of life. I have engaged the dance of consciousness with the breath, and it is glorious - when I get those rare glimpses of clarity. I advocate for a mindful life at least a few times a day in all of the yoga classes I teach and with all of my massage clients. And still sometimes I forget. Actually, a lot I forget.

Ego and habit have such a strong hold on our minds, that it is so easy to get drawn into their web. It is easy to see the world as "exactly as I see it". It is so much harder to let go of our fixed ideas, our expectations, anticipations, rememberances, hopes, fears and cues. It is so much harder to be simple in the moment than we give credit to. It takes a great commitment and a lot of work. And frankly, sometimes it seems so much easier not to do the work; to pretend that all really is as it seems, as we perceive it to be. That my thoughts are valid merely because I thought them - that this makes them truth. Well, upon fiurther investigation, I'm not so sure this is right. In fact, I feel quite strongly that this is totally wrong. And I'm willing to give it a bit more time and mindful exploration.

To the credit of my pregnant brain, I can't remember right now which of my inspiring yoga teachers made this analogy, but I'm going to share it with you anyway, because it's so good :) She said to envision our minds as empty vessels. Because when the vessel is full - of ideas, of judgements, of expectation and self-righteousness, we leave no room for other ideas inside. We leave no room for potential, for possibility. When we think we know how something should be, how it will be - maybe because we've tried it once or twice before so we think this time will be the same, or because someome told us their story of a similar experience - we limit the possibility of the outcome to be just that: exactly what we thought it would be. So where does that leave us on the spectrum of inspiration, of creating new things, new karma? Right...exactly where we started with nowhere to go - nowhere to grow.  So we have to break out of that habit, that limitation, and see mind as an emply vessel. Where we can pour new and fresh ideas in - every time. The "I don't know" mind.  We have to deeply know that each approach to what appears to be the same experience - that elusive yoga posture, that challenging co-worker, that casserole that never seems to turn out quite right, is a new one and has potential to turn out differently, if only we shift our perception and drop our expectation. ...Easier said than done. Remember that part about great commitment and a lot of work?...

So now that I'm staying home more, expecting this miracle of a baby to come bless us with her wisdom, instead of getting frustrated at not being at work, not making money and not being productive, maybe I can see this as a great opportunity to go sit down and close my eyes. Maybe I could listen and feel the breath as it courses through me, filling me with life-affirming sensation. Maybe I could dive into the charming energy of this growing child inside, and give her as much attention as I've been giving my fear. And maybe I could take my own advice and dive into that deep well of love that is the experience of life in this moment.

Dive in, friends. There is no bottom.

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